We can sometimes be arrogant enough to believe that our INTENTIONS equal our IMPACT.

We all have such great intentions, however, the impact we have on others as a result of our conversations, choices and behaviours can be mis-aligned with those intentions. And the most difficult bit, is that when that happens, people will rarely tell you that this is the case. This happens for a number of reasons…they don’t want to offend you or hurt your feelings; they couldn’t be bothered spending the time (face it, we’ve all done that!); or they don’t believe that it will make any difference to your behaviour, that you will simply become defensive (which many of us do).

It’s kind of like when you have a booger hanging off your nose…everyone can see it, but no-one wants to tell you about it!

When your impact is not matching your intentions you have a blind spot.  Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, in 1955, created a technique used to help people better understand their relationship with themselves and with others. It is a learning and discovery tool called the Johari Window. The window refers to our Blind Spots as areas that are ‘Known to Others and Unknown to Self’. The suggestion for discovering a Blind Spot is to ask for feedback or, in my words….taking a SELFIE!

Sometimes we just need to hold up that mirror (phone camera) and take a good look at what is really happening, through someone else’s eyes.

Maybe it’s time to approach that colleague who you have a funny feeling about, who doesn’t seem to be on your side, or connecting with you. Time to use them as a mirror and see what you can see and learn from taking that Selfie.

There are six questions that may be useful if you have the courage to do this….

 I encourage you to identify one person this week that you want and need to connect with better and ‘take a selfie’. Make sure you explain what you are doing and why, and ask their permission first, rather than hitting them with the potentially challenging task of giving you honest feedback.

Enjoy!