Much of what we do in the workplace involves having conversations – at our desks, in meetings, and in the corridors! We might as well put some effort into making sure our conversations are useful and of good quality!
Conversation literally changes the physicality of our brain, and our brain needs to change to adapt, and if we don’t adapt….we die (and in more primitive times, those who didn’t adapt really did die!)
Conversations are important because they build and enhance relationships – and healthy relationships are needed for collaboration, teamwork and organisational success. We use conversation to connect with others, to support others, and to seek support from others. One conversation can literally change the world of another person.
Conversations can support or destroy the story the company needs its employees to sign up to…Conversations can open people up, or shut them down. They can build relationships or destroy them – sometimes in an instant and inadvertently.
Over the next few weeks I will be exploring these ideas in more depth. In the meantime, here are three tips to help you to start having more useful conversations in the workplace.
Tip 1: Be Present!
Stop, breathe and really take the time to be’ in’ your conversations. Besides being a respectful thing to do, it is the foundational platform for quality conversations.
We are so easily distracted and consequently miss opportunities to constructively challenge thinking, or for creative and insightful problem-solving.
The brain can only focus on one thing at a time. Adding a second focus i.e., distraction, reduces your brains performance and your ability to correctly assess the content and emotional status of the conversations you are in. You can’t read between the lines unless you are fully present.
You might like to take the time over the next week or so notice how present you are to the conversations you have, particularly in meetings!
Tip 2: Keep your brilliance to yourself!
We have so many great ideas and potential solutions for others peoples problems. And we love to share (tell) others about them. Telling others how to solve their problems registers as a reward in the brain so we are motivated by that behaviour, and we get experience a dopamine ‘high’ when we do.
But ask yourself – do you like to be told what to do? My guess would be probably not. Research by Judith E. Glaser – author of Conversational Intelligence suggests that 95% of our workplace conversations involve telling. Yet we don’t like to be told – go figure!
So next time you have the urge to put forward your brilliant suggestions or solve an issue for someone – step back and instead play the role of facilitating your colleagues thinking so they can resolve their issue for themselves – kindly passing the dopamine hit to them.
Tip 3: Ask more questions!
We can help others to resolve their issues by asking more questions. Most importantly, avoid asking questions that provide YOU with information, ask THEM questions that require THEM to thinking differently about THEIR issue. Questions like….’What is the missing piece you need to resolve this?’…’When you resolve this, what will be happening that is not happening now?’….’What is the next thing you need to do?’…’How are you feeling about this….how would you like to be feeling instead….what needs to happen for that shift to occur?
THE REALLY BIG TIP!!
So next time you feel the urge to solve the world problems with your brilliance, stop, breathe, let go of the dopamine craving and ask at least 3 questions. You may be surprised to learn that your colleague had the answers all along.
Michelle
