A super simple tool to save time in your conversations! |
We spend a lot of time in conversation that is not useful. And when we are in what we would consider ‘useful’ conversation, we can still operate at a surface level – our brains are lazy and they are designed to conserve energy at all costs!
Here are two practical and nuanced ways you can move quickly to deeper and more meaningful conversations. You can:
TAKING A COACHING APPROACH
In coaching we use a strategy called ‘double-clicking’. When we hear a word that could be interpreted in different ways we ‘double-click’ on it ie, stop and draw attention to it to discover the underlying, but perhaps not obvious, intention or understanding behind the word. For example, if a person requests your ‘support’, the double-click might be ‘When you say ‘support’ what do you mean?’
TAKING A CLEAN LANGUAGE APPROACH
In Clean Language – a more structured form of coaching – there is a key question that is asked over and over again. The question is ‘What kind of ‘support’ is that ‘support’? (or in ordinary people language ‘What kind of support?’)
Both approaches have a shared intent to:
So what’s the difference? Double-clicking helps an individual step ‘outside’ their words and analyse what they are saying to reduce ambiguity. It invites definition, explanation or narrative, and positions you (if you are asking the question) as a curious interpreter. The risk is that the answer may be at a meta level, for example, the answer might be ‘support means encouragement’ or ‘support is feeling backed’ and the idea can remain abstract. It is asking the person to ‘explain it to me’. The Clean Question looks simpler but does something quite different. It keeps an individual ‘inside’ their own language, as it assumes it is already meaningful to them and invites sensory, metaphorical or experiential detail. It takes them deeper into self-awareness, taps into emotional data (and we are emotional beings to the core), and allows the use of metaphor and imagery to flourish – something that our human brain finds more powerful in terms of understanding ourselves and our world. When you ask ‘What kind of support’ you might get an answer like: “The kind where someone checks in without me asking.” “It’s like someone standing beside me, not taking over.” “Quiet support, not advice.” In essence…
I’ve attached a PDF Handout with some examples you can try!
HAVE FUN! |
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